Last run

6:30 am is so early. As I tried to squeeze my eyes open I realized this pearl of wisdom. Another pearl today? My pace leader, Anita said, "Don't push yourself. If you're not healed you'll do more damage and be out for longer." Anita speaks the truth. 

Today was supposed to be my first day of (re)training but I'm realizing this foot issue isn't going away. I thought with a break and only doing water exercise instead and being super careful to support my foot and wear good footwear my foot would feel better by now. I don't know if I waited too long and kept training in February and that damaged my foot beyond easy repair but today the same old pain came back as soon as we got started. 

To be fare I did run/jog down to training today since I took the bus and had about a half mile of run/job to get to the starting place. I didn't really notice my foot too much and I tried to be extra careful because most of the way was down hill on uneven surface with rocks and ditches and run off drains throughout. I only made it about a half mile in to the actual run with my pace group before I had to turn around and walk back to the beginning. 

Totally defeated I've decided there is no way that I'll be able to keep up with training for the half marathon if I don't make all the scheduled trainings. I will most likely switch my entry to doing the 5K or the cumulative marathon and keep working out but not with the 5 days a week of running. I guess part of staying healthy is having a healthy attitude about health and staying healthy and with the constant foot pain, running just really isn't part of keeping myself healthy. Darn foot. 

Why do you run?

On the first day of training everyone was asking each other, "Why are you doing this? Why are you running?" There were a myriad of answers from physical fitness, to personal challenge to "just because". There is no invalid reason for running but until today I have not really been honest about why I am running. The simple truth is I am running to give myself something to do. On Christmas eve last year we had a miscarriage in the second trimester. I had already supplied myself with maternity wear, had almost all the parts together for a new baby and had most of the items checked off my to-do list for "before baby comes". Well, over the holiday that list had to drastically change. Suddenly this event, this person and this new step in our family was gone and I needed some place to focus all that baby prep energy. I turned to google and started searching for upcoming runs. That is how I came to decide to run the San Francisco Marathon. Not because I like to run, not because I particularly want to run but because my time needed to be consumed with something to look forward to and this race seemed like a more positive way to spend my energy than moping about the house or dwelling on loss. 

So here I am the day before my big (re)start of training and this time around I really don't feel all that positive. I feel like I have a lot going on now that wasn't going on in December/January. We have hard hitting family illness to deal with - both my dad and my husband's mom are very ill. We've got school changes coming up soon and a bunch of projects I agreed to take part in thinking I needed to fill my time, only to realize now that I am once again over extended and uninterested in most of them. Maybe getting back into running will give me an outlet for this negative phase. I really hope so because I could really use some way to feel a bit more optimistic and certainly a whole lot more refreshed. 

Starting Again

After weeks away from official training I'm starting back up this weekend. Saturday the training schedule starts for all those runners doing the 18 week program which translates to less miles on the long runs. For me that means getting back into the swing of training and not feeling so left behind. 

During the absence from official training I've been trying to make boot camp, working on swimming more often and taking a water aerobics class at the JCC. I have to say I'm loving going back to water aerobics. Previous to this I hadn't taken a class since after Mimi's birth nearly 4 years ago. The women in the pool are all over 60, if not well into their 70's and 80's. Everyone smiles and is supportive and I think generally amused that I'm taking this "old ladies" class. I was surprised to find the pool pretty packed this go around. When I took the class before there were only a handful of women in the pool. This time however there were over 20 of us, stretched out across the pool water running, doing jumping jacks, making waves and generally looking ridiculous... like I said, I totally love it. 

The teacher is great - making sure that my foot is supported and not baring too much weight while in the pool - moving me to the deeper sections when high impact actions are coming. I ran into another participant only once last class and in a pool full of older women I'm not the slowest all the time like I am at the run training. Not sure this is really a boost to my self esteem but none the less I like not being last sometimes. 

This Saturday we're scheduled for 3 miles in the Presidio. I'm looking forward to seeing my pace group again and getting back into the swing of things with runs. Over the "break" I also finally went to get my shoes checked out. I went to Fleet Feet in the Marina and had great help finding just what was going on - and hopefully getting to the bottom of the foot pain. He took detailed measurements of my feet, watched my ankles as I walked, then jogged, then ran away and then toward him. Mimi was with me and all the store people were very nice to her and not bothered at all that she insisted on running back and forth with me and picking up all the shoes off their racks - "Ooh, these are pink Mama, get the pink ones!"

After measurements, walk, jog and running he put some insoles in my shoes to give my feet some extra support. He then showed me the proper way to tie my shoes - not too snug you need to let your feet get circulation but snug enough that your shoes aren't flopping around while you walk/run. He also went over some foot, leg, hip and back stretches and pointed out some places to make sure I stretch before and after running to minimize pain and injury. 

I've been wearing my new insoles around the house and they're quite comfy though they haven't made it on any runs yet (except those quick sprints after the kids while they're scootering at the park). This Saturday will be the first test - I'm hoping with all the stretches, shoe improvements and general foot rest this issue will be resolved once and for all. 

The last few weeks have proven that life easily gets in the way of training. Work, school, children, family health and upcoming due dates have all worked to make training the least of my concerns on my to-do list. This Saturday I'm taking a new order and re-arranging the items on that list. Here's my reminder of what that list should look like: 

1. Family - time spent, care for and interest in. 

2. Health - which includes training for the marathon. Keeping myself healthy helps keep my family healthy.

3. Projects: - School (Dominic's school fundraiser, Mental Health in Public Schools project)

Volunteer (Transcription for upcoming LGBT play on aging)

Craft (knitting, sewing, birthday present making, playing my new clarinet)

4. Peace and Rest - taking the time needed to let myself and my family rest and have peace as needed. 

With my to-do list in mind I'm looking forward to Saturday morning, 8:00 am at Sports Basement in Presidio. The weather report currently says "partly rainy" but come rain or shine I'll be there ready to take a fresh (re)start to this training process. 

Injury

Last week was a bad week for training. Besides getting whatever stomach bug was going around my family I had the ongoing foot pain to contend with. I missed all my training sessions last week (including yoga) and was feeling really discouraged about my progress when on Tuesday afternoon I started getting dinner ready and thinking about going to boot camp. 

I made it a few minutes late and I'm glad I didn't give up half way there with my internal mantra of, "You're not going to make it. You'll never find parking." As I know - and shouldn't have to keep reminding myself of - when I keep a positive attitude I can do anything and most freakishly enjoy it while I overcome the challenge. Boot camp was great - I layered appropriately this time with hat and gloves plus several long sleeve shirts and under armor under my pants. After being out of the training for a week I felt really good about getting back into it and glad when we all joined in a circle to introduce ourselves and all speak to the challenges we're having with training. Once again it was so nice to know I'm not alone in being challenged by this process and good to have fellow trainies to talk to about the aches, pains and training schedule. 

The boot camp format works out really well for me as well. I felt very accomplished with reps of 10 push ups followed by sit ups or presses, then more push ups. Counting along with my fellow runners kept us all motivated - 18...19...20! In total I did more push ups than I thought I was capable of and more variations on sit ups than I could remember trying in a long time. Now two days later my pectoral muscles, under my arm pits and the back of my upper arms are screaming. The left over pain I feel in my abdominal muscles is actually kind of refreshing and a little thrilling - I'd expected that there weren't any muscles there anymore to feel sore, so this is a wonderful surprise in my mind. 

The foot pain was back during boot camp. One of the lead trainers was at the training session and we discussed at length my issue. She is concerned it might be a stress fracture (please no!) but she also encouraged me that even with missing trainings I am still on track for running the half marathon, as long as I'm injury free. We also talked about swimming as a good cross training work out that won't bother my foot and thankfully the children and I just re-joined the JCC this week which has a fantastic pool. Looks like I'll be shoving myself into a swim suit this week. I'll also be calling my doctor to discuss getting my foot evaluated and I was put in contact with an injury specialist from UCSF who can hopefully help with some advice or guidance. 

Foot pain aside I'm so glad to be doing this. Challenging myself in a completely foreign way is making we readdress areas I always just figured were not attainable for me. Like my stomach muscles - I might be sore but I'm also just a little bit stronger and feeling more so each day. 

Flexibility

With my foot flexed and placed far higher up the wall than I ever intended it to go, my legs screaming with pain and my fingers firmly gripping my support ropes I realized that I'm not all that flexible. Not just in yoga class - when the stretches often make me feel like a pretzel that has hardened before completely formed - but also in my daily life. 

I like things the way I like them, and while I also like spontaneity it becomes challenging when too many things are out of place, or new. I feel stretched beyond where I can handle, physically and emotionally. With the marathon training, new school's for the kids, uncertainty about next school year, a new semester's work for me and Dave busy at his work I have to remember to stay loose and willing to to be flexible with my time and energy. 

Yoga focused on leg stretches, inversions and core work today. As my belly cried out for some relaxation I relished the challenge. My core is my new goal - a stronger core physically but also in life. When the core is strong your back feels better, you can hold yourself more aloft and you're less prone to injury. 

I look at my physical core as a reminder of the importance of my life core as well: my family. When the familial core is strong there is less injury, everyone feels better and heavy loads are easier to carry. We've turned off the TV, we've all started reading more, we've focused on building and playing together. While the training takes up a lot of my personal time it also allows Dave more time with the kids which is lovely for him and the children.

Everyone looked like they were hanging from the ceiling by their heads. I was along the far wall so I could see those throughout the room as we all practiced head stand. Perspective is a funny business and I smiled to see our teacher's feet walking by "upside down" on the ceiling. 

The lessons today were all important for me. Remember to strengthen the core, practice flexibility and never fear a new perspective. Such a lovely way to spend a Sunday. 

Foot pain

A little over one mile into the long run today my feet started to really hurt. I tried to tough it out, asked about stretches I could do so I could keep going but after a few more blocks I had to stop. I asked my pacer what to do and she said start walking back to the beginning. 

As I walked back I tried to figure out where the pain was coming from exactly. It's a shooting pain up my foot on the left side that radiates out from the instep. I have it on the right as well except that shooting pain goes up my instep and up my right ankle about half way up my lower leg. I noticed the pain was just as bad from walking as it had been from running. 

I had a little over a mile to walk back so I bit my lip and continued on. There was nothing I could do - no cell phone to call anyone, no taxis near by to hitch a ride with. As I passed a garage I thought about asking for ride back to the starting point, but figured if they were at work that early on a Saturday then they must actually have some work to get done. 

The first group past me on the way back - the runners with faster per mile paces and the pacer slowed to ask if I was alright. I gave her the short version and told her I'd see her back at the start. The next group past me several blocks later, again the pacer slowed to ask if I was okay. I was nearly back when the third group started to pass. I heard a, "You can do it! Keep going, finish strong!" and a pat on my back. The pacer wasn't asking if I needed help - she figured I was from a faster group and had slowed to walk/rest. Three times a charm I guess because with 2 blocks more to go I decided I might as well run since walking hurt just as much and running would get me there faster. As I joined in at their pace I heard the leader say, "This is great, a 10 minute mile. You're doing great!" Holy shit I'm running with the 10 minute per mile group...

I made it back to the beginning, jogging a bit behind the pacer and the group. I did the stretches with them and waited for my group to return. None of the coaches were back yet since they were out for the 6 mile run so I spoke with several experienced pacers and made a plan to have my foot trouble addressed. 

The pain has dulled in my left foot and the shooting pain has gone away. One pacer said it could be a pinched nerve - which sounds plausible. Most likely it's my running shoes (should have read my gear post more closely and followed my own novice advice about proper footwear). While I was assured my shoes were an excellent choice for me I think I'll head to a specialty running shop and invest the time in getting properly fitted. 

Besides the injury/pain I was pleasantly surprised that I could easily keep up with my pace group today without worry. I wasn't the last one out there - like in other trainings - because there was a big group of us out there together. I'm off to get some advice from the coaches about the foot issue - maybe learn some new stretches or something and eventually head for  shoe fitting. Tomorrow is yoga which I've been looking forward to all week. I think it makes me more sore than the running but all that stretching and strengthening, plus the relaxing and breathing at the end are oh so good. I must say, this go around I kind of like all the chanting and ohms we say at the beginning too - such a great way to start the day. 

Rest Day

Today's rest day was luxurious. I haven't felt this good about not exercising in a long time. Not only did I get to not feel guilty for not running but I also had some pasta for dinner - a rare treat. 

Today I started a seminar on Life Review and Guided Autobiography. It's in the Gerontology department of SFSU and it is my first introduction into gerontology studies. While I may have had a chance to rest from physical exercise today my brain was very active in the 8 hour class. Each Friday for the next several weeks will be filled with learning the life review process and writing, sharing and discussion of topics and themes. I'm hoping the reflection necessary for this type of work will give me a leg up on the mental game that I'm learning long distance running really is. 

Tomorrow is back to a long run day. I believe we're only going for 5 miles but that's about 4 miles longer than I've run so far so we'll see how it goes. Hopefully I'm not the only one still taking walking breaks along the way.