Why do you run?

On the first day of training everyone was asking each other, "Why are you doing this? Why are you running?" There were a myriad of answers from physical fitness, to personal challenge to "just because". There is no invalid reason for running but until today I have not really been honest about why I am running. The simple truth is I am running to give myself something to do. On Christmas eve last year we had a miscarriage in the second trimester. I had already supplied myself with maternity wear, had almost all the parts together for a new baby and had most of the items checked off my to-do list for "before baby comes". Well, over the holiday that list had to drastically change. Suddenly this event, this person and this new step in our family was gone and I needed some place to focus all that baby prep energy. I turned to google and started searching for upcoming runs. That is how I came to decide to run the San Francisco Marathon. Not because I like to run, not because I particularly want to run but because my time needed to be consumed with something to look forward to and this race seemed like a more positive way to spend my energy than moping about the house or dwelling on loss. 

So here I am the day before my big (re)start of training and this time around I really don't feel all that positive. I feel like I have a lot going on now that wasn't going on in December/January. We have hard hitting family illness to deal with - both my dad and my husband's mom are very ill. We've got school changes coming up soon and a bunch of projects I agreed to take part in thinking I needed to fill my time, only to realize now that I am once again over extended and uninterested in most of them. Maybe getting back into running will give me an outlet for this negative phase. I really hope so because I could really use some way to feel a bit more optimistic and certainly a whole lot more refreshed.